Beard for a Smooth Chin
by Ikonopeiston
Summary: This is the eighth in an occasional series of Variations on what might have happened after the Commsphere on the FarPlane stopped working.  It is not intended to be taken seriously so please do not upset yourselves.


8/23/07

The characters and setting are the exclusive property of Square-Enix. I have borrowed them for a short time.

**Beard for a Smooth Chin**

Nooj: If you're done playing, let's go.

Gippal: Chill out.

Nooj: Lost your nerve?

Gippal: Hey, we're talking about Vegnagun. How the heck do you fight that

thing? We can't even walk up to it without freakin' it out.

Nooj: Or making it mad. But I've got a plan.

Gippal: If it doesn't work?

Nooj: Death will be my apology.

Gippal: Whatever, man. When a Deathseeker dies, that's no apology. What about

Leblanc?

Nooj: Well, she—

He stopped himself and turned to face Gippal. "What in the hell are you bringing her up for?"

"She's not making any secret of her chasing you. So I naturally thought ..."

"You actually fell for that? I thought you Al Bhed were so smart. You act like you know everything and you fell for an old stunt like that?" Nooj snorted in contempt.

Gippal raised the brow over his missing eye. "What are you talking about? What stunt? Is there something I'm missing here?"

"Just the whole story. You actually think LeBlanc wants me? You really believe I'm her prey?"

"Well, yeah. She's always right behind you and sighing and moaning about how she longs for your arms - and other things."

"You are a fool. If I'd known you were that naive, I'd never have invited you to come with me on this mission. Ixion! You'll be Shuyin's next host as soon as he sees what a goose you are."

"OK, Noojster, fun's fun. What's the story about you and LeBlanc? If she's not trying to trap you, what's she doing?" 

"I can't believe you don't see it. She's after Rikku. It's perfectly obvious to anybody with eyes and a brain. Oh, sorry, I forgot you've just got one eye and no brain to speak of."

Gippal ignored the insults, his mind stunned with the suggestion Nooj had just made. "Rikku! You've got to be kidding!"

"I don't kid. I faced her with her actions, told her she was annoying me and scared her into telling me the truth. She's never been with an Al Bhed and is curious. She thought it would be easier to seduce Rikku since that girl is always ready for action. So ... It's logical and obvious. She pretends to chase me to hide her real target." Nooj planted his cane decisively. "Are you coming or not?"

"Wait a minute! All this is to get an Al Bhed in bed?"

"I just told you that."

"Why didn't she ask me? Every living thing in Spira knows I'm available."

"Maybe she didn't want to stand in line waiting her turn. I don't know why she didn't ask you. Ask her."

"You can't just walk off and leave me like this. I don't believe you." Gippal rushed to the front and stopped, forcing Nooj to pause with an exasperated snarl.

"So don't believe. It doesn't matter to me, or to LeBlanc, or to Rikku. Just go ahead or get out of my way. I want to get this job done and you're no help."

Gippal shook his head in puzzlement. "Rikku? Why Rikku?"

"I told you. LeBlanc wants an Al Bhed and Rikku's handy. If you want to save the damsel from her fate, you're free to volunteer to be the Lilac Lady's playmate. She's been wondering what's in those baggy pants."

"What? What does she think's in there? A shoopuf's trunk? I'll show her what's in there." The blond stood in the middle of the flowering meadow, his fists clenched, and howled to the sky.

"I told her you'd be glad to show her what you had and demonstrate it if she would like." The taller man was infuriatingly reasonable.

"You've been talking about my personal... personal and private affairs? What else have you two been saying about me?"

"Nothing important. She wanted my advice on how she should proceed in satisfying her curiosity and, you know me, I always try to help anyone in distress. Come on now. Baralai is waiting and I can tell you, being ridden by Shuyin is not a pleasant experience. Come on, we need to hurry." 

Gippal gave a quick skip and adjusted his stride to match that of his companion. "OK. But as soon as we get back, I'm going to look into this and see if you're telling the truth. Then I'll decide what to do. I can deal with this, just wait."

Unnoticed by the other, Nooj smiled to himself.

4


End file.
